FORMER CHILD OF DIVORCE
A PRODUCT OF UNWILLING TERGIVERSATION
FINDING MY IDENTITY
ENCOURAGING MY CHILDREN TO CONFIDENTLY DEVELOP THEIR OWN IDENTITIES
NAVIGATING A FORCED ALIENATION FROM MY CHILD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS
As a child of divorced parents, I was never given the opportunity to develop my own thoughts and feelings about them as individuals. My thirst for wanting to acquire my own identity intensified through the experiences I encountered while watching my parents' marriage dissolve.
Fast forward many years later, during my own divorce, I found myself experiencing the same type of unwilling alienation as my parent - who had felt helplessly isolated from the child he/she loved. I know, now, that this is the reason why my parent walked away and, seemingly, gave up. I can still sense the deep-rooted hurt I felt from this person I hardly knew, and was not permitted to know, on my own terms. An opportunity for redemption did not occur, out of deference to the other parent's opinion. In hindsight, I understand that I should not have been placed in the position of choosing to which parent I would be loyal. I should have been encouraged to be devoted to both.
In the course of much reflection from my own childhood, along with undergoing the pain and feelings of isolation from my own divorce, I have made it my priority to become an advocate for the child's voice and identity and to ensure their health, well-being, and sense of being loved by each parent. I am on a mission to end the cycle of dysfunction and reassert unity - even in the midst of a fragmented marriage.
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4